| Ok. It's confession time, because not many people read this anyway, and I feel like writing.They say your eyes are the window to your soul. Well, I'd have to say that in my case, my writing is the window to my soul. So take a glimpse...it may surprise you. Being that I'm single and a college graduate with really no prospects, and being that I had five looooong weeks on my hands of sitting around the house, I got bored and decided to check out online dating services. Yes, I even checked out the Christian dating services and joined one or two. It was a real joke. Most people on these sites were in their 50's and the questions that you had to fill out (as part of your profile) reflected no real aspect of your personality. On top of that, when you were notified how many flirts and messages you received, you followed the link from the email and were immediately bombarded with credit card requests. Yeah, dating sites are real cruel. You can join for free, but you can't see who contacted you, what messages were sent, or who flirted with you unless you paid money. So, bored with the shallow dating services, I joined eharmony, thinking that I would just look at the personality analysis that it provided after an extensive amount of questions. I thought it couldn't hurt to learn more about myself and how I interact with others. It seemed a trustworthy system, created by a psychologist who knows what he's doing for the most part. I did learn a lot about myself, and the analysis of my personality seemed both accurate in describing myself and helpful in describing my interaction with others. Great. I know myself better. This service has fulfilled its purpose. Then came all of the matches. Curiousity got the better of me. It was so exciting to see emails fill my inbox saying that another man who matches my personality was found that I looked at the different profiles. All reformed, Christian guys who primarily seek a committed Christian. Some were a little too outdoorish, too far away, too old, too young, too short (in speech). But then this one profile caught my eye. Odenton, MD. 25. Outgoing. Loves his life. Wears his heart on his sleeve. Funny but also serious. Goes after what he wants. And just the day I saw his profile, he sent me a request for communication. Now here's the tragic part of the story: I went to answer some questions to communicate with him, and the same annoying credit card request came up, only this was requesting for way more money ($60 for one month or 110 for three months). I've gone back and forth...I shouldn't waste money on something like this, what would my parents think? I'm stepping outside of God's timing, and YET he seems like such a mature guy...what if it really works? He's in MD. At times I've almost paid, and other times I've been convinced that I could track him down based on his name, age, work, and town. How many Mikes could possibly be in Odenton, right? But I think a lot of this is foolishness. I'm about to head into the busiest year of my life. I can't be in a stressful relationship. And while I was still feeling special, being that I was singled out by only one guy who contacted me the first day he saw my profile, I was contacted by two more guys, which muddied the waters a little. Then I realized: I'm just one prey in the great hunt. I'm just another profile that they view, seeing if they can find real happiness from me based on the answers I write. I'm just another girl whom they want to go as far as they can with in conversation until they find something they don't like and reject me. In the end, though, it all comes down to the truth that I've been pushing aside for a while: I need to face the facts that I am single and be content with where I'm at now. If I can't be content being single, then I won't ever be content being in a relationship because I'd be placing huge expectations on him. No, it's better to stop now and let there be minimal hurt. Be still, or burning heart within me. |
